Original Sin
From WikiWrit
A Sin that nobody has thought of before (e.g.: "wearing funny pants to a funeral'). There are many categories of Original Sins. Some Original Sins fit into two categories. If you commit those, you're doubly-damned. If you commit a sin that fits into three categories, you are tripply-damned. So on, and so on. For your convenience, all of the sins are marked with how many categories they are included in, and conversely, how many times you will be damned for commiting them.
[edit] Sins so Obscure, You're Probably the First to Do Them
[edit] Using Mr. T's name in vain (1)
There are not many situations where it would make sense to commit this sin, however when these occasions arise, the temptation to commit Using Mr T's name in vain can be overpowering. As an example, should someone be overprotective of his GMC van, you should not say "Dude, you're totally being a Mr. T about it."
[edit] Filling your neighbor's swimming pool with iced coffee and jelly beans (2)
This sin is not so much a sin because of the damage it does to your neighbor's swimming pool, but rather the incredible waste of coffee, which is rendered undrinkable by the combination of jelly beans and chlorine.
[edit] shaving your dog, and using its hair to make kitty toys (1)
Seriously, you have to be pretty deranged to inflict this one on your beloved pet. Either one, really.
[edit] Winding up a co-worker about the potential for a nuclear attack because of the international situation then setting off a camera flash bulb behind him (1)
The act itself isn't so much a sin, as is the reaction that your co-worker will have. He will commit many sins, and you will be held responsible for them, for he committed them in ignorance.
[edit] Practicing Panupunitoplasty (1)
[edit] Writing the words "gorram", "frak", and "smeg" in the same sentence. Oh... oh SHIT! (1)
Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck fuck FUCK! I can't believe I did that, I'm such an idiot.
[edit] Reading the Necronomicon aloud during a solar eclipse in an abandoned cemetary, while wearing a shirt that says "All Great Old Ones Are Idiots." (1)
[edit] Setting fire to the Book of Gibberish while wearing a clown wig. (1)
Clown wigs are considered the most sacriligious of garments to be wearing while defacing a holy text, and as the Book of Gibberish can not be ignited by a true believer, to do so makes one a sinner and a heathen.
[edit] Sins that Sounded Like a Good Idea at the Time
[edit] Filling a squeeky-hammer with mustard gas (1)
Actually, mustard gas is just generally sort of...frowned upon.
[edit] Shooting B-B guns at the school band during football games (1)
While fun and entertaining for the whole family, this will not improve upon the sound of the band. A higher caliber should be used for the improvement on technique and sound. Unless of course, you are Hannibal Lecter, in which case you only need a good recipe.
[edit] Putting a plane on a conveyor belt (1)
This was ruled a sin after the Equality For Conveyer Belts act of 1893.
[edit] Filling the Pope's hat with superglue (1)
It's a really nice hat. Someone put a lot of care to make it as pointy as it is. It is truly a sin to deface such an exquisite example of haberdashery. And the pope will hex you if you do.
[edit] Throwing a bucket of fish at an Imam (2)
This act renders the targetted Imam completely delicious. His flavor will be idolized, and idolitry is a sin.
[edit] Giving a Rabbi wrong directions to a Green Day concert (1)
Actually, this could be doing said religious leader a favor.
[edit] Throwing too many fast pitches at a Yogi (1)
They hurt, dag nabbit!
[edit] Throwing a water balloon filled with sour cream at a Shaman while he's on a spirit-journey. (1)
You should generally use fres cream when engaging in any cream-based activities.
[edit] Saying that "God Himself couldn't sink this ship" (1)
Good for advertizing, but bad for self preservation.
[edit] Busting some funky moves on a day other than Sunday (1)
On Monday through Saturday, all moves must be certified un-funky by an appropriate holy man.
[edit] Walking out in the middle of a thunder storm wearing copper armor, then deciding to yell out "All the Gods are Bastards!" (1)
Not only is this a bad idea in the first place; the Gods deem it worthy to damn the rest of your family to a life time of having an itch they can not reach.
[edit] Math Sins
[edit] Dividing by zero (1)
[edit] Multiplying like rabbits (1)
Because rabbits' brains are wired differently from humans, they are able to multiply by reducing one number by half and multiplying the other by two, and repeating until the smaller number is as close to one as it's going to get. Because this method is grossly innacurate, and far more difficult for the human brain to execute, it has been ruled a sin.
[edit] Dividing like amoebas (1)
Asexual reproduction is forbidden to vertabrates. If you are not a vertabrate, please feel free to go ahead with your plans, but please, please don't tell us about them. Because thats just sick.
[edit] Adding like Justice League Unlimited (1)
Like, OMG, seriously? Could they find any more obscure DC characters to throw in there? I know! Let's introduce Pieface, Hal Jordan's eskimo buddy!
[edit] Subtracting like Hannibal Lecter (1)
This is mostly covered under the whole "thou shalt not kill" thing
[edit] Disgusting Sins
[edit] Popping your zit into someone else's food (1)
This sin is forgiven if you are a waiter in a restaurant, and the person to whom the food belongs is a bad tipper. or Tipper Gore.
[edit] Doing the "Cha-cha slide" naked (1)
Actually, the "Cha-Cha slide" is just generally sort of...frowned upon.
[edit] Threesomes that involve any combination of Rosie O'Donnell, Golda Meir, Richard Simmons, J. Edgar Hoover, or The Great Gazoo (1)
Rosie O'Donnell is just sorta... frowned upon. Couplings between Richard Simmons and J. Edgar Hoover are acceptable, but generally not encouraged for sanities sake.
[edit] Cornflakes with orange juice (2)
[edit] Delicious Sins
[edit] Eating elevenses before second breakfast (1)
[edit] Eating pie while using small animals as utensils (1)
It makes the pie taste bad, and the small animals only rarely enjoy it.
[edit] Throwing chili dogs at your little sister (1)
Obviusly, you should throw your sharp utensils instead. Chili dogs are for eating, you jerk!
